Women’s bodies are not prepared for many births at once. Unlike many animals, humans can run into a slew of complications from multiple pregnancies, so to avoid medical issues, a mother needs to constantly pay attention to the signals her body is sending.
By the time Angie was pregnant with her triplet daughters, she was already a mother of two boys. She and her husband, Gino, were delighted to be adding three little girls to the family! But the happy couple was unaware of the emotional challenges they were about to face.
Giving birth to multiple babies is inherently risky. For one, the chances of a premature birth are much higher, which can lead to complications for both the children and the mother. With Angie, the situation was even more dangerous.
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Angie was carrying two placentas, but three babies. This meant that two of her babies were identical twins, while the third had split off from a separate egg cell. Doctors told Angie this type of pregnancy was extremely rare, and it had serious implications.
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For starters, Angie could go into labor at any time. One or more of her babies had developed more quickly than the others, posing a threat to the premature child. Then, of course, there was the issue of space.
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A fetus can do a lot of damage on its own. Between umbilical cord complications and excessive movement, babies can cause a mother’s insides serious damage. Add two extra fetuses to the mix, and you’re looking at potential disaster. This spatial danger was about to catch up to Angie big time.
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At 27 weeks, Angie was rushed to the hospital for a fluid discrepancy. She recounted the moment to Sharp Healthcare. “We saw that the liquid for ‘Baby B’ was too low and for ‘C’ was a little high.” Doctors wanted Angie admitted to the hospital until the day of birth.
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“Wait… right now, right now?” Angie asked, knowing her triplets may not be born for many weeks. The doctors warned her and Gino of the shocking complications that could arise from one baby accessing more nutrients than another. The risks were terrifying.
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A bizarre possibility in the early stages of pregnancy is “Vanishing Twin Syndrome,” where fetal tissue of one baby is absorbed by another. This would be more likely to affect Angie’s twins. The second possibility was more rare, but not off the table.
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Fight or flight is present in humans well before birth. If a baby isn’t getting enough nutrients, it may steal the nutrients of another, resulting in death. This natural occurrence is called “Siblicide” and is far more common in the animal kingdom than in humans. Angie had to make a quick decision.
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With the support of Gino, Angie would stay in the hospital for the remainder of her pregnancy. That way, any signs of damage could be identified within moments. Even with a wonderful medical staff and loving husband by her side, Angie dreaded the weeks to come.
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“They’re taken away from everything that’s normal,” recalled one of Angie’s nurses. With so many risks at hand, it was a difficult transition Angie and Gino were willing to make. Luckily, Angie’s medical staff had only kind words for her.
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“Angie spends weeks here. That’s not easy,” recounted Angie’s doctor. “But she does everything to make sure that these three babies do well. That’s powerful.” For Angie, one thing helped her keep pushing.
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On a regular basis, Gino brought the two boys to visit their mother at the hospital. Seeing them kept Angie grounded and positive, which was a great benefit to the triplets she was nurturing. As the weeks passed, the decisions Angie made got bigger and bigger.
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One easy decision was having a C-section. Angie wanted to know her children would be entering the world in the safest way possible. In this case, an emergency c-section might be necessary before her due date. As it so happened, Angie’s next decision would come sooner than she thought.
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At 32 weeks, after spending a little over a month in the hospital, Angie was four centimeters dilated. This meant the babies wanted out! As predicted, an emergency C-section was ordered. Angie felt fully prepared.
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“It’s time,” said Angie, laying in her cot. “I have some hard work ahead of me now.” The doctors rolled Angie into the operating room and prepared for the c-section. Giving birth to triplets would be no easy feat.
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Gino stayed close to Angie as the doctors worked. The couple was ready to take on this moment together. After what seemed like hours, the first baby girl was born! Nurses immediately brought her to a separate room. The doctors had to keep going.
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The second baby appeared, crying with a healthy set of lungs. Nurses swooped in and grabbed her as well. Angie was bursting with joy as Gino took video. There was only one left to go!
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Angie’s third baby girl entered the world as safely as the first two. The entire procedure was a resounding success! And yet, Angie didn’t get to see her babies before they were hurried away. Her husband had a sweet solution.
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“Here,” he said, handing Angie his camera. She watched in tears at the footage of her three daughters being born. The medical staff was busy cleaning the babies and checking their vitals. More than anything, Angie wanted her babies to be healthy.
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After what seemed like eternity, the doctors finally brought the newborns in to meet their mother. There had been zero complications! Angie and Gino wept as they held their little angels for the first time. Today, the triplets are absolutely adorable!
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Just look at these cuties! Every choice Angie and Gino made helped bring their beautiful children safely into the world. Their experience has taught other parents to be alert and stayed educated, especially when it comes to multiple births. Of course, even maximum preparedness can’t always prevent bad luck.
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Ironically, 33-year-old Charlie Whitmer of West Town, Chicago, didn’t believe in bad luck; but when disaster struck during what appeared to be the happiest time of his life, he had to rethink that theory.
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In 2013, Charlie, a partner at a trading firm, was whisked away by the sight of Kathryn when the two first met at a Wrigleyville bar. They didn’t have one ounce of knowledge of what was to come of their romantic run-in.
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Charlie and Kathryn, who was an operations manager at an association management company, hit it off immediately. They built a marvelous, blissful relationship, and eventually went on to plan their August 2016 wedding. But something interrupted the joy.
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When mysterious bruises started appearing on Charlie’s body, along with regular activities causing him great fatigue, he knew something was off. But, surprisingly, he found these strange ailments oddly familiar.
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Charlie was diagnosed with aplastic anemia when he was just 15 years old. He had gotten a bone marrow transplant at the time, which had treated the condition for a period, but symptoms had sadly returned to haunt the lovebird in 2016.
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After visiting several doctors, Charlie decided to treat his condition with medication. After their glorious wedding, the gleaming newlyweds aimed to get a jump-start on making a family; but due to the drug he was prescribed, the Whitmers had to undergo fertility treatments to accomplish that goal.
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Incredibly, in December of 2017, Kathryn learned that she was, in fact, with child… or more so with children. She’d had two embryos implanted in her uterus, which could have led to a slew of various results. But the Whitmers’ were miraculous.
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When an ecstatic Charlie asked his glowing wife how many babies she was pregnant with (he assumed it would either be one, or a set of twins), she gleefully announced, “It’s three.” Since one of the eggs had split in two, and they were all successfully fertilized, the mama had three buns cooking in the oven.
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The pregnancy seemed to be going swimmingly towards the beginning, that is until Kathryn hit the 27-week mark. On memorial day of 2018, she awoke with a headache so severe that the couple promptly rushed to the hospital, only to be given dismal news.
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“I was in the waiting room … and someone came out and said, ‘Your wife has a big bleed in her brain,’ ” Charlie disclosed. “At that time, I didn’t know anything about what a brain bleed meant.” But Charlie insisted on staying optimistic, considering he had made a swell recovery after being ill, so why couldn’t Kathryn?
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Charlie and his golden-maned, blue-eyed wife were going to try to do whatever they could to have the healthy family they’d always dreamed of. While June of that year was the month that their sweet triplets were born, it was also a month full of grief and misery.
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The triplets, adorably named J.P., Bobby, and Arden, were born on June 4th, and, unfortunately, all in need of immediate medical attention. They were underweight, required CPR, and were rapidly taken to the NICU. Thankfully, the babies would be just fine. Kathryn, on the other hand, was a different story.
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Two days after Kathryn’s cesarean section, the ugly, life-threatening headache returned to wreak havoc on her fragile brain yet again. Kathryn was taken to undergo immediate brain surgery to rid the tissue of harmful pressure.
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Tragically, Kathryn never woke up. She never got to know her three perfect darlings. However, before she was officially affirmed “brain dead,” Charlie, who spent countless hours crying, his brother consoling him, wished for his babies to be caressed by their mother one last time.
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The triplets were gently placed in their mother’s unconscious arms, which led to a medical marvel unlike anything Kathryn’s neurologist, Dr. Kim, had ever seen. Tears flowed down Kathryn’s fading face, while unconsciousness still consumed her body.
Dr. Kim, in amazement, said: “I can’t explain that medically.” However, Dr. Kim did elaborate, having said that being close to brain death did not necessarily mean Kathryn couldn’t feel the warm presence of her beautiful children. It was heartwarming, to say the least.
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On June 8th, when the doctors officially disclosed to Charlie “Your wife has passed,” he knew this was a turning point that would be extremely arduous to overcome. But his babies needed him. With death came life, and he had to be thankful for the three gifts Kathryn had given him.
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Not only did she birth three new lives, but she also saved six others due to her organ donation, which only further proved Kathryn’s angelic character. Charlie would have to go on without her blessing of a presence.
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The new father and widower spent his very first Father’s Day in the neonatal intensive care unit, glued to the sides of his premature little ones. To make things even more heart-wrenching, this was the day after his wife’s funeral, which several doctors attended. Nothing would be the same for Charlie from that moment on.
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Although Charlie loved his job, he left it to focus on raising his little ones with full focus. He admitted that his dreams had to change once Kathryn passed. “You have to find hope, and you have to find some kind of joy,” Charlie explained. “All of this happened for a reason. It’s my job to find that.” His search for reasoning was beginning.
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In the spring of 2019, Charlie, along with a bountiful group of loving friends, family, and medical professionals who helped care for Kathryn, walked for the March of Dimes March for Babies walk in Grant Park, which focused on raising money for maternal, fetal and neonatal health. “Team Kathryn” incredibly raised $80,000.
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Prior to Kathryn’s tragic passing, Charlie was a chronic introvert, as Kathryn was the “people person” of the relationship. But since the loss of his wife, Charlie worked hard to let people in his life, “saying yes” to gracious help from others. Charlie was growing as a person, partially for his children.
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Charlie Whitmer often thinks of how his late wife invested time, energy, and love into her relationships, and she inspired him to do the same. “She had figured out the important things in life,” Charlie interpreted. “There’s still more for me to figure out.”
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The road to a mended heart is not easy, but Charlie is not alone in that journey. He has a lot to learn from Chris Martin from Melbourne, Australia. During his early twenties, a good friend introduced him to a cousin named Renee. The two did not click.
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Years after the introduction, however, after more than a handful of casual meetings, Chris and Renee ended up at the same party. It was there, hidden away from the thrum of music and the chattering of friends, that the two kissed for the first time.
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Soon, the two were in love, and fully in the beautiful honeymoon phase. Every moment was exciting, every touch, beautiful. But for them, the phase never ended, and in just a few years, they made the ultimate commitment.
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The two wed in a beautiful ceremony, and within years, they were raising a baby girl named Grace. In 2011, the couple delighted in the news that Renee was pregnant once more, this time with a boy. The honeymoon continued…
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…until doctors delivered the bad news. Renee had kidney cancer and in the span of a doctor’s sentence, the couple went from planning their family to planning how to tell their six-year-old daughter that mom was very sick.
“I remember the day telling Grace that we didn’t know whether we were going to be able to beat the germs in mum’s belly,” Chris said. “If we couldn’t that meant that mummy’s body wouldn’t be able to live anymore and she’d die.”
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The conversation was impossible both in its weight and its complexity, yet it paled in comparison to the 2013 conversation Chris had with his now-two children (Albi was born in 2011): at just 39 years old, their mother was dead.
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Devastated and single again, Chris pulled himself together for his kids. But trying to be both a mother and a father for them — while processing his own confusion and grief — nearly drove the dad to insanity.
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“I miss the companionship, the shared load, the daily debrief,” he recalled. “Those little moments in life are the things you tend not to think about, but they’re the things you miss the most.” He knew he needed a way to heal.
The kids helped. They gave him a purpose beyond himself, and more importantly, kept him focused on the present — not that hopeless, Renee-sized void staring at him from the future. But he needed something else. He needed a place to bear his soul.
So three years after Renee’s death, the Australian native started a blog — “Just a Dad.” One part self-therapy, one-part explanation to his family and friends. The blog helped single dads everywhere cope with loss and grief.
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Chris wrote and raised his kids, trying to build a functioning home with a crucial piece missing. He never forgot Renee, but as the years passed, perhaps the exact sound of her voice faded to a fragment of a memory.
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Time and writing ever-so-weakly stitched the wound of Renee’s passing, and slowly, Chris found happiness in raising his kids — he could smile again. That was, until 2018, when he faced yet another impossible moment in the grieving process.
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Chris chronicled that moment in a 2018 blog post titled Mourning Guilt. “I was logged into Renee’s email trying to find some information,” the dad wrote. “I was simply skimming the contents when I found something…”
In this particular email chain, Renee had been conspiring with Chris’s family about a surprise 40th birthday party she planned to throw for him in 2014. Even dying of cancer, she had still been thinking of celebrating her husband.
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What, exactly, Renee wrote about her husband, Chris kept to himself. Those were personal words he would cherish forever. But he shared that she’d so beautifully written about how much he meant to her.
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“It was as if I could hear her voice,” Chris wrote. “Something I haven’t heard for so long, in the words printed on the screen before me.” As he read, every emotion Chris had held back and suppressed over five years returned.
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“I was overcome by the same desperate sadness I remember so vividly after she passed,” he wrote. “I immediately felt the dreadful hollowness of being alone, of never being able to have exactly what I once did, again.” He continued…
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“The tears flowed and I felt terrible guilt,” he wrote. “Guilt that I hadn’t thought or felt these things for some time. Guilt that I had seemingly forgone these feelings in the pursuit of normality and, dare I say it, happiness…Guilt that I’m here and not her.”
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For his readers, Chris confronted that guilt. “Like everything else in life, it too passes,” he wrote. “But it serves as a reminder – like a hammer to my kneecap type reminder, that there is more to losing a loved one than the anticipated sadness, loneliness and longing.”
“There are no answers,” he added. “No solutions or no ways to manipulate the grief journey. It just has to happen. However it pans out, I just have to trust that I’ll be okay…It’s comforting to know I still care.”
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Before Chris posted his blog, he gave one last thank you to the woman he so dearly loved. “Even writing this all down has been cathartic and I feel lighter already,” he wrote. “So I guess I should say thanks, Renee, for still helping me out after all these years.”
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Chris’s dance with grief connected so many other suffering single fathers who were lost without their passed-on partners. By sharing his story, he hoped to show men that it’s okay to be vulnerable after a loss. “It’s cleansing. Healing. Normal.”
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